Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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