This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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