my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
There are leaves in my underwear?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
