While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
