It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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