party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
