He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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