I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
