Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
