Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
