Dude my mom stole all your condoms
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
