if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
