I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
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I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
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Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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