In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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