everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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