NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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