you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
