I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
