Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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