Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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