Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You took a bar mat shot.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
