the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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