i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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