When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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