i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
