somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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