so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
