you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
