Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
