Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
