You work out of a Hotel?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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