she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
