She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
