I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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