I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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