there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
