Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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