k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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