8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
