Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
