how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
