i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize