he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
