So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
