I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
