Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
