dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
