He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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