Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
