At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
