You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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