do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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