My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
