the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She's the barista slut.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
