I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
