His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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