your parents love me but you hate me
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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