I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
