there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
