wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
