my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
