That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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