The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
