so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
