I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
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