just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
