I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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