I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
