Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
