They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
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I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
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Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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