we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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