my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
