So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
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We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
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Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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