Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Damn victory sex feels great
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
