Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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