"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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