This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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