the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
