I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
